On June 13, 2020, my firstborn, my baby girl, got married.
Nineteen years ago she was in my womb.
Today she's a wife, happily serving her husband in their tiny, love-filled apartment as she juggles online classes and babysitting jobs.
I teach moms how to be fit for life in all areas, and I especially like to focus on mental and emotional health. But can I be honest for a moment? I was completely unprepared for the emotional journey this blessed event would be.
Now, almost 3 months after the big day, it seems less momentous and more...I don't know, NORMAL, I guess. Charis and Isaac were made for each other. When they talked with us only a couple of months into their official dating relationship, saying they thought they were ready to be married in the summer of 2020, Ted and I had to agree. They WOULD indeed be ready. But that didn't mean my mama heart was prepared for the speedy changes that would take place over the following months!
My head knew everything was unfolding just as God had ordained from before the foundations of the world. I could see clear evidence of His direction in the lives of these precious young people.Emotionally, though, I realized I was ignoring much of what threatened to well up inside me if given the slightest opportunity. It was far easier to smile and nod and assure people who asked that yes, this was happening and yes, we were happy about it. I mean, it was true, right??
I used my emotional support oil blends; I journaled (not as much as I probably should have); I went for morning walks or runs and prayed. And I thought I was doing all right. I think, mostly, I was. But I needed to let myself FEEL. To acknowledge that there was a part of my heart that did indeed feel sadness at the passing away of one stage of mothering even as I was so grateful to be entering a new stage, one that involved "mother-in-law" as a new role.
The day before the wedding, I went for my morning walk/run and intentionally chose to soak in every detail I could. The sun was already shining brightly by the time I hit the trail near our house. A gentle breeze kept me comfortably cool. Two birds met in the air close to the path I was on, and I paused to watch and wonder whether I was seeing a caustic confrontation or an amorous affair. The birds disentangled themselves and flew off, leaving my question unanswered.
Emotions are harder to separate and leave us feel-ers asking many unanswered questions. As I prayed through my thoughts that morning, I realized with a pang that I needed to release some past hurts--I needed to acknowledge that I HAD, in fact, experienced some hurts in the recent months. These had nothing to do with anyone intentionally causing me pain. No, it was unavoidable hurt as a by-product of life changing.
Life changes. It isn't always good or bad, it just is. But the change brings pain at times, and it's wise to let it surface and just sit with it for a bit. Yo, pain, there you are. I feel you. I love you just the way you are. You remind me of the precious relationship I have with my daughter, the amazingly BIG love I feel for her. What a great love it is, to feel such sadness at a goodbye of sorts. I could excuse it away, brush it aside, because this is a GOOD change, a wonderful change, as God is blessing me with the son-in-law of my prayers. And yet there it is.
I stopped on a bridge to look over a green meadow into the blazing morning sunshine and let my tears flow. It was healing release with new insights into my thoughts and emotions. God and I had a good, long talk, and I cried on His shoulder. And then?
Then it was time to set up for a wedding!
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What emotional journey have you taken recently? How are you honoring your emotions while not letting them control you? Leave a comment and let me know!
And if you don't yet have my guide delving into 4 ways you can be fit for life, grab it here...you can bet emotional fitness is one of those points!
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"Please don't make me take [that writing class] again this year!"
Such was my daughter's plea after doing a year-long writing class with our homeschool co-op last year. (My apologies to her teacher if she is reading this!)
The class actually was a good experience, and despite my daughter's complaining, she admits she really did learn a lot. But she couldn't get excited about another year with the same curriculum, and I had to agree--not because of the class itself, but because I know my daughter's weakness: grammar and mechanics.
Although she is a fantastic and voracious reader, for some reason the nuances of writing protocols seem to have escaped her notice, and being an English teacher by training, this exasperates me more than I'd like to admit. The truth is, I haven't had the chance (before now) to give as thorough of an education in this area as I would have liked...although, to be honest, that may have actually worked in my older children's favor, as I may well have been an overbearing teacher, using the same draconian techniques that were drilled into my own head as I wrote and rewrote rules I already understood and applied as a young student myself.
Back to the story. My daughter agreed that she would do whatever I put before her this year, acknowledging her weakness and desiring to improve in this area. And so the Grammar Guides were born!
This project has morphed into an entire course for our local homeschool co-op, and seeing the need, I have made all the lessons and even teaching videos accessible to other folks as well. If you think this would be helpful for yourself or someone you know, take a peek and see! The introductory price is L-O-W, and it's going up very soon!
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Yesterday I finally had the chance to pull out some supplies to make something I've been "meaning to" make for awhile: my homemade deodorant! I had put it off for awhile because it wasn't super urgent, and we've had JUST a bit of a full schedule with our oldest daughter getting married on our property on June 13, followed by oldest son's graduation ceremony June 20, not to mention the normal bustle of life with a large family.
So when our nurse mentioned yesterday that we were just about out of the Seedlings Diaper Rash Cream (we get this from Young Living and LOVE it), I decided to do double duty with the DIY efforts since some ingredients were similar.
Make no mistake: the Seedlings cream is going on my Essential Rewards order, which will process the first of July! But in the meantime, due to some GI issues, our little girl needs some bum protection!
Sometimes I've simply used coconut oil with a few drops of oil mixed in, but since I wanted to be sure the cream wouldn't soak into the skin QUITE so fast, I added some beeswax to my mixture. I put boiling water in the larger glass measuring cup to start the melting process. (I don't have a double boiler, but if I did, that would be my preferred method here!)
Once the beeswax is completely melted, I add melted coconut oil plus shea butter. My ratio here is 1 tablespoon of beeswax to 2-3 tablespoons each of coconut oil and shea butter.
Now everything is completely melted and mixed together--but the mixture is too hot to add essential oils. (You'd retain the nice aromas, but the therapeutic properties would be gone! No good!) So into the refrigerator it goes until it's more of a frosting consistency. At this point, you can add whatever oils you like: I put in equal amounts of Young Living's tea tree, frankincense, and lavender oils. (Oh dear...I honestly can't remember if it was 5 or 10 drops of each...) This cute glass jar plus a wooden spoon now holds the finished product for use on Verity's little tush!
Now...on to the deodorant. First of all...I have to be honest, I haven't found ANYTHING that really compares to this homemade deodorant I started making 4-5 years ago. (I can't remember whether it was summer of 2015 or 2016 that I first tried it.) I've tried clean versions (NO ALUMINUM) from various places, and I'm not a fan of any of them. I found the Young Living Thieves toothpaste, of all things, works GREAT as a deodorant, actually, and since I'm a huge fan of the toothpaste, I love that it does double duty for me, lol. But...I still don't think it compares to this homemade version that keeps me smelling non-earthy (!!!!) into the second day after application! Now that summer is well and truly upon us, it was time to whip up another batch!
The first couple of steps are the same as above, only I don't use shea butter in my deodorant. So: melt the beeswax and then add coconut oil. (Written recipe follows all the photos!) I did a double batch, so 2 Tablespoons of beeswax and a 1/2 cup of coconut oil.
Getting the right consistency is key--again, you can't have the base mixture too hot or you'll kill the needed constituents in the essential oils. A frosting-like consistency is perfect, and I like using one beater to really whip everything up, since, as you'll see, we have other ingredients that make mixing with a spoon (like I did for the butt cream) a rather ineffective option for this project.
Now for the most important part...the essential oils! My very, very first batch of this deodorant used only coconut oil (no beeswax) and lavender + Melrose oils. It was fine, worked great. But I felt like I smelled like a rosemary bush! So my next batch included Purification oil blend, and I liked the way that smelled much better. And THEN I learned about Manuka, and I decided that MUST be an ingredient in homemade deodorant!! (And if you aren't familiar with the properties of these oils, contact me, because we really must get my favorite reference guide into your hands!)
Now for the powdery stuff: you need to add 1/4 cup of baking soda (1/2 cup for me since I doubled the recipe) and 1/4 cup of GMO-free cornstarch OR arrowroot powder (1/2 cup if doubling). Get a beater and whip it all together like crazy! (Side note: I totally forgot to open a couple of Life 9 capsules to add to this batch...but that's an idea to get more probiotics into your body!)
My double batch filled 3 actual deodorant containers plus some in a jar (I couldn't find another empty deodorant container--thought I had one). I put them in the fridge to set for a bit, and now they are ready to go!
DIY BUTT PASTE
1 Tablespoon beeswax, melted
2-3 Tablespoons each coconut oil and shea butter, melted
8-10 drops each Young Living Tea Tree, Frankincense, and Lavender essential oils
After melting beeswax and oils, cool mixture until soft but not runny. Add essential oils and mix well. Store in a glass container with lid and apply as needed.
DIY DEODORANT
1 Tablespoon beeswax, melted
3 Tablespoons coconut oil, melted
1/4 cup baking soda (skimp a bit on this if you have sensitive skin)
1/4 cup arrowroot powder or non-GMO cornstarch
10 drops each Young Living Lavender, Melrose, Purification, and Manuka essential oils
Life 9 capsule (optional)
After melting beeswax and coconut oil, cool mixture until it has a frosting-like consistency. Whip in essential oils with a beater, then add dry ingredients a bit at a time, whipping until completely mixed. Spoon into deodorant containers or jars. Chill until firm.
Have you made either of these DIY projects? If so, how does your recipe compare? What have you found effective? I always love to hear new ideas!
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You'd think with 9 children we'd be used to sleepless nights, and you're partly right! But we were spoiled, IMMENSELY spoiled, by the fact that our older children all started sleeping through the night at a pretty early age. By the time we got to kids 6, 7, and 8, things weren't quite as easy...having problems nursing them didn't help. But eventually everyone figured out that sleeping at night is a good thing, and life moved on.
And then we had Verity. Sweet little Verity. I haven't written much on this site about our special-needs daughter, though I may start posting more regularly on the blog I began writing when we learned of her Edwards Syndrome diagnosis in 2016. (You can view When My Soul Melts here.)
Without boring you to tears, let's just say Verity literally did not sleep. Ever. People didn't believe us when we said we were waking 4-6 times AN HOUR every night. Night after night. I truly do not know how we made it through her first couple of years but for the grace of God.
So, there were lots of issues unique to Verity's genetic make-up and special little physique, and obviously those needed to be sorted out before we could hope to get quality sleep. (And WOW, did life change for the better when we got a few nights of nursing coverage here and there!!)
But aside from all of Verity's particular needs, sleep issues are a problem for MANY folks. I've had teens suffer from insomnia, and my 11-year-old has recently complained of having a hard time getting to sleep despite being tired. The thing with sleep problems is that there can be SO MANY causes...it's not a one-size-fits-all approach. But I thought it was worth sharing a few tidbits we've tried over the years...maybe it will help you or someone you love catch a few ZZZs!
- Limit screen time in the evening. This should probably be a no-brainer, but we tend to ignore it. Science shows definitively that the effects on the brain from our various devices wreak havoc with our ability to sleep. Watch a movie or send a last text message if you must, but try to put away your phone, tablet, and/or computer an hour or so before you turn out your lights and hit the pillow.
- Have a nighttime routine. This is especially important for children, but did you know adults can benefit from a nightly routine also? Maybe a read-aloud with your favorite stuffed animal isn't your style, but how about relaxing with a real, page-turning book or magazine? Maybe a bath or foot soak, maybe simply washing your face and putting on a favorite lotion. Doing the same things at approximately the same time every night helps our brain realize that sleep time is coming.
- Pay attention to your diet. Though our evening meal tends to be our biggest, that may not be the best for our bodies and brains. Try to sip water early in the evening, and stop snacking if you can help it. (I know! I like my evening crunchies! But I'm working on having NO snacks before bedtime...instead I take my probiotic to support my gut health while my digestive system works overnight!)
- Don't check messages "one last time!" We already mentioned limiting screen time before bed...but how many times do we sabotage our sleep by looking at that text or email message that just came in? And then it's something that causes stress or angst?! JUST. WAIT. It can wait until morning. It's not healthy for us to be "on" 24/7.
- Try some natural sleep aids. Our kids ask for Lavender and Cedarwood essential oils in the diffuser at bedtime because they've noticed a difference in how quickly they fall asleep. I love my Calm CBD roller across the back of my neck before bedtime also. And Verity? That little adorable stinker who kept us up in her early months/years? She falls asleep with her CPAP mask on with the lovely scent of Peace & Calming oil blend in her diffuser. (I sometimes wonder if it's because we diffused that blend almost constantly in the NICU room after she was born!)
I have another natural sleep aid I'll be talking about during this Thursday's Quick Class. Be sure to register to get the class meeting link!
What about you? What are some ways you support healthy sleep in your home?
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We are finishing our 15th "official" year of homeschooling! It's hard to believe, and yet, as my daughter hangs up her freshly steamed wedding gown in the room next to me, I realize that it's true...I'm actually one of those seasoned homeschool moms who has been doing this so long it's "easy."
HAHAHA!! Who am I kidding?! I remember, when I was a mama of three kiddos three and under, looking at moms in their second or even third decade of homeschooling and being in AWE of how they seemed to have everything all together. Their homes ran like clockwork; they had systems in place; their children were well-mannered and looked adults in the eye while having an intelligent conversation with them. These moms had a patient, gentle spirit and wise words for any question I threw at them.
I couldn't wait to someday "have it all together" the way these moms obviously did.
Let's just pause a moment, shall we, and have a good laugh together?!
Because now...I know better! NO ONE "has it all together." (My apologies to the moms I put on a pedestal all those years ago, but I think they'd be the first to agree.) I believe years of experience allow us as parents to recognize what is truly important, to focus on the eternal rather than the daily check list. We have the opportunity to play to our children's strengths as well as to slow down and take time to work on their weaknesses. And I'm talking about spiritual formation and character development, not just academics and life skills.
Oh...that spiritual formation and character development? I should clarify...
I'm talking about me!
OK, maybe my kids, too. But this homeschooling journey isn't easy, and as many families have realized during these last few months of COVID-19 lockdown, it's not for everyone. (I do believe it's for more people than may want to admit it, though!)
I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be "schooled" by my kids, who are unwitting vessels of God's grace, clearly used by the Lord to teach me my own daily lessons! Praise Him!
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(Picture notes: The above photo is from 2013. We were living in Naples, Italy, and I was pregnant with our 7th child. The kids loved piling on our bed for our read-aloud time in the evenings, often done after the little ones were tucked in bed. The photos below show our oldest daughter from early in her homeschool journey to her graduation celebration two years ago.)
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